Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!

I hate this time of the month. You know what time I'm talking about. It effing SUCKS. Just when I'm starting to feel better, not be so depressed and be happy for once, it hits me and my attitude changes again. From depression to irritability. Very rarely have I been feeling really happy lately. Usually depressed. Then to go from that to...just being pissed off all the time at nothing in particular...I HATE IT.

Doesn't help that my online drama seems to match the drama I'm getting at home. There's a girl online, the one who owns a forum I'm a part of, who reminds me so much of Tinkerbelle it's frightening. I go online to disappear from the real world, not wind up talking to a bitchy 19-year-old who treats me like crap cause she runs the forum! Then to deal with the others on the forum...ugh. Some RESPECT would be nice. I mean, I don't want a frickin parade when I come online but I would like to at least be treated nicely. Lately...I don't know, it just seems to be getting worse.

Though that could be because of the time of the month for me.

*sigh*

Well, now that I've successfully ranted, I don't feel any better. The nature of life, I guess. Oh, well.

Romance Woes

I don't even know where to begin with this...

First off, I do like my boyfriend alot. He's a nice guy with a good heart and good career. But there's the problem that I don't seem to be physically attracted to him. We've been dating for a year and haven't done anything besides hug and occasionally cuddle on the couch. No kisses or anything else. It's weird, but I don't WANT to kiss him. Not really.

Normally this wouldn't bother me, and I would tell him that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship. But the fact that he is my third boyfriend in my entire 21 years of life and I still haven't had a first kiss makes me wonder. Not about him, but about myself. The three boyfriends I've ever had have been nice guys with good hearts, and I haven't felt the desirable need to make out with them or even give them a peck on the cheek. Of course, my first boyfriend ever turned out to be gay and the second guy, it turns out, wasn't quite pure of heart. The guy I'm dating now though is decent and kind to the point of it being a fault sometimes.

I guess my point is....I'm worried about myself, as a person. I've already shown symptoms of depression and social disorders, though I've never been diagnosed officially. I spend all my time online recently and most of my friends are people I haven't even met face to face. I love romance...if it's on tv or movies or in one of my role plays, but it seems I have no real interest in it in real life, which worries me. I do want to someday meet someone and have kids, but how can I do that if I don't even want to kiss the guy I've been dating for over a year? It worries me....alot....I really hope nothing's wrong with me that keeps me from getting into a romantic relationship.

Sometimes I really hate the way I am.....