A Major Disappointment...

So guess what? Apparently I'm a major disappointment to my mother.

I'm not even joking. She actually called me a major disappointment. Apparently I'm lazy and don't do jack shit. Apparently I don't even try. Which now makes me a major disappointment. She's mad that I don't seem to have an opinion on us maybe having to move. Of course, I don't have an opinion on it. I don't want to move, but what the hell else am I gonna do? I have no choice, because I have no job. Oh, that's another point of contempt for her. I don't have a job. This apparently means that I'm lazy because I'm not even trying. That's not true. I am trying. Truth is, I've stopped trying because I've filled out thousands of applications in the last year and only got one fricken interview. That's it. One out of a thousand. And she wonders why I've stopped trying.

She came home from grocery shopping today and I got up to help her. I wasn't dressed yet, but we had this system that she would bring the groceries to the door and I'd bring the bags inside. This was so that she didn't trudge snow all inside the house and it made it so that I didn't have to go outside in my pajamas. So she comes home, and I got up to help her. She told me to sit back down and watch tv, then proceeded to tell me how lazy I am. She then went into how she and everyone else in my family apparently thinks something's mentally wrong with me because I don't want to do anything. She kept going on and on about how badly I've disappointed her. So I came down here to my room, where I will remain until lunchtime. If she wants to see lazy, I'll show her lazy. Her "biggest disappointment" will deliver, I can promise that. I'm sorry she hates her life, but that doesn't give her ANY right AT ALL to treat me like shit. I'll give her a reason, if she wants one, but the fact that she hates herself right now is no reason in my opinion.

So there you have it, the drama that is my mother. She's officially hurt her oldest daughter, and I think I may have hurt her, but right now I simply don't care. I'll apologize later, but for now, I'm not speaking to her. She thinks she can hold grudges for a long time? Just wait till she sees how long I can hold a grudge.

Christmastime is here again...

First off, I hafta say that my computer is being increasingly annoying today.

Anyway, Christmas.

It's my favorite holiday of the year. I love the songs, the lights, the presents...everything! We have all of our indoor decorations set up (unfortunately Momma wasn't feeling up to putting up the outside lights so our house is dark this Christmas), and there are presents under the tree. Today, Momma and I baked all day, so we have five different kinds of cookies ready to eat: chocolate chip cookies, candy cane cookies, fudge, oreo truffles, and refridgerator cookies. Yum nummy! It was alot of hard work, especially the candy cane cookies because the dough got all sticky and hard to roll. But now we have Christmas treats! Unfortunately this means that now I have to clean all day tomorrow. Momma's friend Wanda is coming over for Christmas this weekend (which is weird cause she usually comes after Christmas), so we have to make the house all nice for her. And I have a choir concert to attend on Saturday and Sunday night. I'm not exactly sure how good it's gonna turn out because I feel a sore throat coming on. I guess it's a good thing I didn't get a solo, huh? I'm just happy to be performing in front of a crowd again, even if it is among a large group of people (most of whom are twice my age and have three or four grandchildren...yeah, it's THAT kind of choir). Then just five more days till Christmas!

Oh! And 10 more days till 9 comes out on DVD! I'm excited for that!

WTF Youtube?

I will never understand youtube. Just the other day, I watched both Charlie's Angels movies using youtube. Today I go online and can't find either Charlie's Angels movie anymore. I mean, we're litterally talking about a timespan of two days; the video itself had been up for two years. Did youtube honestly miss both movies for two years, just now find them, and decide to take them down? Or were the videos just too awsome, and youtube is full of douche bags who like to take down popular videos?

Then just this morning, I went on, and it said I had one new comment. I clicked there, read the comment, then went back to the home page (I'm a packrat and keep everything, even useless youtube comments). The youtube homepage said I still had a comment! I went back, opened and closed the comment again, and went back to the home page again. This time it was gone. But that's not the point. The point is that I shouldn't have to go to my comments page twice to get rid of one useless comment saying something about how this guy agrees with me that some minigame on Mario Party 8 is based on luck, but luck is sometimes all you need or some crap like that. I suppose it's my own fault, really. I should just delete those useless comments....

Then there's the "recommended for you" section. What that does is search the database for videos I've watched before and finds videos related to them. It then recommends those videos to me. Usually I don't mind this (I found both StormDainProductions and sXePhil in this section, and I LOVE those guys!), but lately it's been giving me things that are not related to my interests AT ALL. For example, I have never once, in my entire time on youtube, looked up and watched a Micheal Jackson video (and now come the comments of hatred, but really, I like the songs I just don't watch the videos). Suddenly three out of the six recommended videos have Micheal Jackson's face on them. Tribute to MJ, Best MJ song....that kind of thing. Um, what? Not ONCE, people!

So I guess that brings me to the point of this blog post: WTF is youtube doing? They make no actual sense to any of us, as far as I know. And I guess I have a second question for this blog post: Why do we use youtube if we hate it so much? I guess the world will never know....

One Of Those Days

It has definately been one of those days. The kind where nothing seems to go right. Even now I'm beating the shit out of my keyboard to get it to type out what I want it to say, so that instead of me typing something like "mtoccle" I can actually get it to say "motorcycle." Heaven forbid someone actually make something that works properly. No, then the world may implode upon itself because someone was HAPPY! No, we can't have that, now can we?

It actually all started this morning when Tinkerbelle and Momma got into this huge fight. See, Tinkerbelle has this idea in her head that just because she has a job, she doesn't have to do anything here at home. So when Momma asked her to go downstairs and turn on the furnace, Tink mentioned that she had a job that she had to get to IN THREE HOURS and she needed time to get ready. This resulted in Momma practically exploding in anger, as this has been going on for the last couple of weeks. Just when the argument seemed to be over, Tink asked when Poppa was going to put the stuff back into the closet that he had taken out. Yes, because Tink is tired when she comes home from work and Poppa isn't. That was sarcasm, by the way.

Then I go to the bank to deposit my check. See, the fact that I got fired from being a bell ringer outside JC Penny doesn't help matters much. I only got one pay check because apparently they were on a "one-strike-and-you're-out" policy, which they conviently told me nothing about. So I recieved my first (and last) check from them in the mail. While driving there, I discovered just how STUPID people are in this town when it comes to the concept of turning. First of all, turn signals are there for a reason. USE THE DAMN THINGS! Second of all, when making a turn it doesn't require you slowing down to the point that you will be going in reverse if you went any damn ass slower! Third of all, you are not a fricken semi truck, so don't make such wide-ass right hand turns! God, I hate driving in this city!

I get home, and decide that I'm going to listen to a cd. Of course, my cd player decides to be a douche and not play anything properly. OK, so I'll watch tv. *buzzer* WRONG! Nothing's on! OK, I'll go online and role play. Oop, well as it turns out, you're in trouble with the admins because you've inadvertantly acted on information given to you OOC so you've been muted for three days. Another role play site? Oh, well everyone there will ignore you and tell you they'll "post later." Oh, fine then I'll draw out the characters for my story. Oh, guess what? Suddenly your hand doesn't work and everything you draw comes out like CRAPPY CRAP! Oh, you wanna type in your blog? Well that requires an internet connection, which your computer will now randomly lose so that you can't go online without calling in the FREAKING CALVALRY TO CONNECT THE DAMN INTERNET! So, now you're online? Oh, well then your computer will run so damn slow that it won't be able to keep up with your 32 wpm typing speed. Oh, it's finally begun to catch up? Well now that means you just won't be able to type AT ALL!!! Oh, you can type? Well, then we'll just kick you offline again.....

It's a neverending circle that needs to end, then jump out a 100-story window and drown to death. Oh, yes I'm in such a good mood, can ya tell?

This is the way my day has been. Now that you know the trainwreck that is me, I'm going to TRY to get some damn sleep before I hafta have another crazy ass Thanksgiving at my aunt's and uncles tomorrow. The only bright side to the day tomorrow? My boyfriend was invited to dinner, so I'll have someone who's semi-sane to talk to.

Crappy Computers

Lately my computer has been running something ALL THE TIME. This usually results in it running incredibly loudly (which screws up my microphone when I'm talking to my friends on skype), and slowing videos way way down while I'm watching them. Usually slowing videos down wouldn't bother me...much, but then the speakers make this awful noise trying to run the video and whatever else my computer is trying to run with it. Then I go to pause it to allow the computer time to do whatever it's doing, and IT WON'T PAUSE! It just continues playing slowly (or, more accurately put, jumping erratically between frames) and playing that awful noise in place of the audio. I just don't know what to do....

Hopefully this new job will get me the money I need to buy my tablet, then I can pawn this current P.O.S. off on Mickey. She already said she wanted it!

Family is annoying.

OK, so apparently my boyfriend's been texting me for the last hour or so and I never recieved one of them. Suddenly, Mickey comes barrelling downstairs, yelling at me to answer my phone and that Danny has been calling all afternoon. Since I am already not in a pleasant mood, this didn't exactly help and I nearly ripped her a new one. I proceeded to try to prove to her that I didn't recieve any of the texts or calls, and she promptly told Momma, who then proceeded to repeat that Danny has been calling all afternoon and asked why I was ignoring him. I was not ignoring him, I just didn't recieve any of the texts!!

Then Poppa got home and immediately began disecting my phone (figuratively of course) to discover if I was hiding one of the texts from everyone and began asking me if I was ignoring Danny. Holy crap on a cracker, people, how many times do I hafta repeat myself???

So then, Tinkerbelle just came down. She promptly pounds -- not knocks, but effing pounds -- on my door, scaring the crap out of me, and begins screaming at me asking why I was ignoring Danny. To repeat a silly saying: HOLY EFFING CRAP ON A CRACKER!!!!!

When you live with four other people, this kind of thing is bound to happen, but this is just REDICULOUS!!

Depression...again

I think I may be chronically depressed. Once in a while, I'll get to a state where nothing matters, I feel unloved, and I feel like crying. Right now, I feel that way. I feel like my friends are ignoring me, like my parents don't support my dreams and are trying to shoot them down, like nothing I do matters, like I'm going to be stuck working a crappy job I hate for the rest of my life, and like I have no hope. It really sux. I'm not contemplating suicide or anything, I just feel like I don't want to do anything and want to just sit in bed and cry.

I would go to the doctor and make sure I'm not chronically depressed. And if I am, maybe I should get medication for it, but that requires money, which I don't have. Well, I did get a job, but that don't mean I have money to see the doctor. On top of all that, I have bed bugs, which means I'm waking up every morning with new bites in unusual places. How does one get rid of bed bugs? I have no idea.

*yawn*

With depression comes the irrational need to sleep ALL THE TIME. I really hope I'm better next week before I start my job. If not...well, let's just say it'll make a boring job that much more painful. It sux majorly, but that's the way my life is.

Well...I guess I'm going to bed. Night.