GRRRRRR!

The day is only half over and already it sucks balls. Between the major drama going on in the forum I'm in and all kinds of stupid crap going on in real life, I am in the pissiest mood ever.

I woke up late, thanks to the crappy thing known locally as Daylight Savings Time. Then I get out of bed to the oh, so welcoming face of Tinkerbelle, who for whatever reason is pissed off because Poppa went to work yesterday. I then get upstairs where everyone is just in the loveliest of moods. Tinkerbelle of course absolutely NEEDED to shower first, so she jumped in.....FOR 40 MINUTES. She got out at 11:30, Momma and I got into our different showers at noon. Half a freaking hour later, and I STILL wind up washing my hair in cold water. Because it's absolutely imperative that Tink get the damn shower first and then take the longest to wash her freaking body. God.

Then I get online to check emails, and PMs from the forums I'm in. And of course, proboards decides to be a douche and not load. Like ANY page at all. There's no warning, no thingy on the front page that says "performing maintenance," no. Just, "Oh, look! We're not going to let you access the boards because the site is run by idiots who can't give out some sort of warning that the sites are shutting down temporarily." Unless it's just my computer, in which case I am just that much closer to tossing this damn thing out a damn window.

*sigh*

And just now, Mickey came downstairs and knocked at my door in some kind of obnoxious little tune, which didn't even give me the chance to ask what she wanted without me having to open the door--topless, I may add, since I just got out of the shower. She then laughed hysterically about as she ran back up the stairs.

And on top of all of that, I have lost all ability to type properly. So forgive me but....

GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!

I hate this time of the month. You know what time I'm talking about. It effing SUCKS. Just when I'm starting to feel better, not be so depressed and be happy for once, it hits me and my attitude changes again. From depression to irritability. Very rarely have I been feeling really happy lately. Usually depressed. Then to go from that to...just being pissed off all the time at nothing in particular...I HATE IT.

Doesn't help that my online drama seems to match the drama I'm getting at home. There's a girl online, the one who owns a forum I'm a part of, who reminds me so much of Tinkerbelle it's frightening. I go online to disappear from the real world, not wind up talking to a bitchy 19-year-old who treats me like crap cause she runs the forum! Then to deal with the others on the forum...ugh. Some RESPECT would be nice. I mean, I don't want a frickin parade when I come online but I would like to at least be treated nicely. Lately...I don't know, it just seems to be getting worse.

Though that could be because of the time of the month for me.

*sigh*

Well, now that I've successfully ranted, I don't feel any better. The nature of life, I guess. Oh, well.

Romance Woes

I don't even know where to begin with this...

First off, I do like my boyfriend alot. He's a nice guy with a good heart and good career. But there's the problem that I don't seem to be physically attracted to him. We've been dating for a year and haven't done anything besides hug and occasionally cuddle on the couch. No kisses or anything else. It's weird, but I don't WANT to kiss him. Not really.

Normally this wouldn't bother me, and I would tell him that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship. But the fact that he is my third boyfriend in my entire 21 years of life and I still haven't had a first kiss makes me wonder. Not about him, but about myself. The three boyfriends I've ever had have been nice guys with good hearts, and I haven't felt the desirable need to make out with them or even give them a peck on the cheek. Of course, my first boyfriend ever turned out to be gay and the second guy, it turns out, wasn't quite pure of heart. The guy I'm dating now though is decent and kind to the point of it being a fault sometimes.

I guess my point is....I'm worried about myself, as a person. I've already shown symptoms of depression and social disorders, though I've never been diagnosed officially. I spend all my time online recently and most of my friends are people I haven't even met face to face. I love romance...if it's on tv or movies or in one of my role plays, but it seems I have no real interest in it in real life, which worries me. I do want to someday meet someone and have kids, but how can I do that if I don't even want to kiss the guy I've been dating for over a year? It worries me....alot....I really hope nothing's wrong with me that keeps me from getting into a romantic relationship.

Sometimes I really hate the way I am.....

A Major Disappointment...

So guess what? Apparently I'm a major disappointment to my mother.

I'm not even joking. She actually called me a major disappointment. Apparently I'm lazy and don't do jack shit. Apparently I don't even try. Which now makes me a major disappointment. She's mad that I don't seem to have an opinion on us maybe having to move. Of course, I don't have an opinion on it. I don't want to move, but what the hell else am I gonna do? I have no choice, because I have no job. Oh, that's another point of contempt for her. I don't have a job. This apparently means that I'm lazy because I'm not even trying. That's not true. I am trying. Truth is, I've stopped trying because I've filled out thousands of applications in the last year and only got one fricken interview. That's it. One out of a thousand. And she wonders why I've stopped trying.

She came home from grocery shopping today and I got up to help her. I wasn't dressed yet, but we had this system that she would bring the groceries to the door and I'd bring the bags inside. This was so that she didn't trudge snow all inside the house and it made it so that I didn't have to go outside in my pajamas. So she comes home, and I got up to help her. She told me to sit back down and watch tv, then proceeded to tell me how lazy I am. She then went into how she and everyone else in my family apparently thinks something's mentally wrong with me because I don't want to do anything. She kept going on and on about how badly I've disappointed her. So I came down here to my room, where I will remain until lunchtime. If she wants to see lazy, I'll show her lazy. Her "biggest disappointment" will deliver, I can promise that. I'm sorry she hates her life, but that doesn't give her ANY right AT ALL to treat me like shit. I'll give her a reason, if she wants one, but the fact that she hates herself right now is no reason in my opinion.

So there you have it, the drama that is my mother. She's officially hurt her oldest daughter, and I think I may have hurt her, but right now I simply don't care. I'll apologize later, but for now, I'm not speaking to her. She thinks she can hold grudges for a long time? Just wait till she sees how long I can hold a grudge.

Christmastime is here again...

First off, I hafta say that my computer is being increasingly annoying today.

Anyway, Christmas.

It's my favorite holiday of the year. I love the songs, the lights, the presents...everything! We have all of our indoor decorations set up (unfortunately Momma wasn't feeling up to putting up the outside lights so our house is dark this Christmas), and there are presents under the tree. Today, Momma and I baked all day, so we have five different kinds of cookies ready to eat: chocolate chip cookies, candy cane cookies, fudge, oreo truffles, and refridgerator cookies. Yum nummy! It was alot of hard work, especially the candy cane cookies because the dough got all sticky and hard to roll. But now we have Christmas treats! Unfortunately this means that now I have to clean all day tomorrow. Momma's friend Wanda is coming over for Christmas this weekend (which is weird cause she usually comes after Christmas), so we have to make the house all nice for her. And I have a choir concert to attend on Saturday and Sunday night. I'm not exactly sure how good it's gonna turn out because I feel a sore throat coming on. I guess it's a good thing I didn't get a solo, huh? I'm just happy to be performing in front of a crowd again, even if it is among a large group of people (most of whom are twice my age and have three or four grandchildren...yeah, it's THAT kind of choir). Then just five more days till Christmas!

Oh! And 10 more days till 9 comes out on DVD! I'm excited for that!

WTF Youtube?

I will never understand youtube. Just the other day, I watched both Charlie's Angels movies using youtube. Today I go online and can't find either Charlie's Angels movie anymore. I mean, we're litterally talking about a timespan of two days; the video itself had been up for two years. Did youtube honestly miss both movies for two years, just now find them, and decide to take them down? Or were the videos just too awsome, and youtube is full of douche bags who like to take down popular videos?

Then just this morning, I went on, and it said I had one new comment. I clicked there, read the comment, then went back to the home page (I'm a packrat and keep everything, even useless youtube comments). The youtube homepage said I still had a comment! I went back, opened and closed the comment again, and went back to the home page again. This time it was gone. But that's not the point. The point is that I shouldn't have to go to my comments page twice to get rid of one useless comment saying something about how this guy agrees with me that some minigame on Mario Party 8 is based on luck, but luck is sometimes all you need or some crap like that. I suppose it's my own fault, really. I should just delete those useless comments....

Then there's the "recommended for you" section. What that does is search the database for videos I've watched before and finds videos related to them. It then recommends those videos to me. Usually I don't mind this (I found both StormDainProductions and sXePhil in this section, and I LOVE those guys!), but lately it's been giving me things that are not related to my interests AT ALL. For example, I have never once, in my entire time on youtube, looked up and watched a Micheal Jackson video (and now come the comments of hatred, but really, I like the songs I just don't watch the videos). Suddenly three out of the six recommended videos have Micheal Jackson's face on them. Tribute to MJ, Best MJ song....that kind of thing. Um, what? Not ONCE, people!

So I guess that brings me to the point of this blog post: WTF is youtube doing? They make no actual sense to any of us, as far as I know. And I guess I have a second question for this blog post: Why do we use youtube if we hate it so much? I guess the world will never know....

One Of Those Days

It has definately been one of those days. The kind where nothing seems to go right. Even now I'm beating the shit out of my keyboard to get it to type out what I want it to say, so that instead of me typing something like "mtoccle" I can actually get it to say "motorcycle." Heaven forbid someone actually make something that works properly. No, then the world may implode upon itself because someone was HAPPY! No, we can't have that, now can we?

It actually all started this morning when Tinkerbelle and Momma got into this huge fight. See, Tinkerbelle has this idea in her head that just because she has a job, she doesn't have to do anything here at home. So when Momma asked her to go downstairs and turn on the furnace, Tink mentioned that she had a job that she had to get to IN THREE HOURS and she needed time to get ready. This resulted in Momma practically exploding in anger, as this has been going on for the last couple of weeks. Just when the argument seemed to be over, Tink asked when Poppa was going to put the stuff back into the closet that he had taken out. Yes, because Tink is tired when she comes home from work and Poppa isn't. That was sarcasm, by the way.

Then I go to the bank to deposit my check. See, the fact that I got fired from being a bell ringer outside JC Penny doesn't help matters much. I only got one pay check because apparently they were on a "one-strike-and-you're-out" policy, which they conviently told me nothing about. So I recieved my first (and last) check from them in the mail. While driving there, I discovered just how STUPID people are in this town when it comes to the concept of turning. First of all, turn signals are there for a reason. USE THE DAMN THINGS! Second of all, when making a turn it doesn't require you slowing down to the point that you will be going in reverse if you went any damn ass slower! Third of all, you are not a fricken semi truck, so don't make such wide-ass right hand turns! God, I hate driving in this city!

I get home, and decide that I'm going to listen to a cd. Of course, my cd player decides to be a douche and not play anything properly. OK, so I'll watch tv. *buzzer* WRONG! Nothing's on! OK, I'll go online and role play. Oop, well as it turns out, you're in trouble with the admins because you've inadvertantly acted on information given to you OOC so you've been muted for three days. Another role play site? Oh, well everyone there will ignore you and tell you they'll "post later." Oh, fine then I'll draw out the characters for my story. Oh, guess what? Suddenly your hand doesn't work and everything you draw comes out like CRAPPY CRAP! Oh, you wanna type in your blog? Well that requires an internet connection, which your computer will now randomly lose so that you can't go online without calling in the FREAKING CALVALRY TO CONNECT THE DAMN INTERNET! So, now you're online? Oh, well then your computer will run so damn slow that it won't be able to keep up with your 32 wpm typing speed. Oh, it's finally begun to catch up? Well now that means you just won't be able to type AT ALL!!! Oh, you can type? Well, then we'll just kick you offline again.....

It's a neverending circle that needs to end, then jump out a 100-story window and drown to death. Oh, yes I'm in such a good mood, can ya tell?

This is the way my day has been. Now that you know the trainwreck that is me, I'm going to TRY to get some damn sleep before I hafta have another crazy ass Thanksgiving at my aunt's and uncles tomorrow. The only bright side to the day tomorrow? My boyfriend was invited to dinner, so I'll have someone who's semi-sane to talk to.